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The Brown Noser

Secretary of Education Suggests Nation's Teachers Try Talking Louder

Published Friday, November 4th, 2011

Explaining that American public school students probably didn’t hear them the first time, United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan on Tuesday called on educators to repeat last year’s curriculum in a slow, loud and clear voice.

“Teachers, you all just need to pause for a second, take a deep breath and then say the same things you just said about math and literature and stuff, but louder,” said Duncan. “Speak up and project all the way to the back of the room. I think there are some kids back there who maybe can’t quite make out what you’re saying.”

“E-nun-ci-ate,” Duncan continued, stressing each syllable.

Duncan pointed out that the teachers had kind of mumbled the part about physics and biology, which he said contributed to flagging scores on the science sections of standardized tests.

“If teachers would just act excited up there and talk with their hands a little more, I bet they would see a huge improvement,” Duncan said.

The press conference came on the heels of a Broad Foundation study that found 70 percent of eighth graders are unable to read at their grade level — a problem Duncan said teachers could address by profusely underlining the words in books so that students will understand they are important.

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