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The Brown Noser

Shake Shack On Thayer Threatened By Something Called “Malt Shed”

Published Friday, April 19th, 2019

According to a report by the Providence Business Bureau, the recently-opened Thayer Street Shake Shack is being rivaled by a new restaurant up the street, something simply called “Malt Shed”.

“They’re probably trying to piggyback on the success of Shake Shack,” said Mandy Shapiro, Shake Shack’s manager. “I’m not saying ‘Malt Shed’ is a direct imitation of our branding, but it’s pretty damn close.”

Sources report that the mysterious new storefront features a minimalistic drawing of a burger. A peek inside reveals sleek stainless steel countertops and a dimly-lit dining area.

“I’m guessing they sell malts and probably burgers of some kind," Shapiro said, scouting out the competitor’s location. “But overall, they’ve remained quite mysterious. I don’t know if they have much of a business model beyond the name ‘Malt Shed’. And the sign out front says that it’s the first ‘Malt Shed’ to open in Providence, which doesn’t seem like a huge deal since I’ve never heard of ‘Malt Shed’ in my life.”

At press time, something called “West Side Pouches” was opening up across from East Side Pockets.

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