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Shitty M.I.T janitor Mikey Bryer reportedly can’t even solve a near-impossible math problem.
“He just, like, mops and stuff,” said mathematics professor Linda Greenburg, watching Bryer absentmindedly push his cart past a chalkboard scrawled with an equation so difficult that not even Einstein could solve it. “He probably doesn’t even understand string theory—he literally just does what’s in his job description.”
Sources confirm that, later, while Bryer was spraying the school’s windows with Clorox, he totally ignored the sequence of numbers that, when solved, could open up a new world of technology and change the course of mathematics forever.
“I bet he can’t even recite Marxist theory or Descartes’s philosophical principles on cue,” Greenburg continued as Bryer began to hum a little tune while vacuuming the hallway, completely disregarding the set of digits that has stumped mathematicians for centuries. “I mean, c’mon. Does he even notice the unfathomable, mathematically impossible calculations practically begging for a time-warping answer?”
At press time, Bryer didn’t even have a deep-seated fear of love stemming from crushing childhood trauma.
