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Reports indicate that a small midwestern town is forced to use the same pond for ice fishing as they do for their tragic drunk driving accidents.
“I think I speak for everyone when I say how devastated I am at how crowded it gotten down at Dexter Pond,” said Mayor Tim Kileski, amidst rising frustration on behalf of local ice fishermen and irresponsible teen drivers that they have to share a single tiny pond to both catch bluegills and careen across the median, rolling their toyota acura into the chest-deep water. “My heart goes out to everyone who has been inconvenienced by how busy it has gotten down there.”
“You never expect things like this to happen in a small town like ours,” continued Kileski, crushed by the news that the towns hobbyist fishermen and negligent high schoolers have to compete with each other just to bait a hook or flip a minivan over a guardrail into their favorite body of water. “It gets me choked up just talking about it.”
“Would it be possible to just take a moment of silence for all the people who haven’t gotten a chance to use the pond because it’s been so packed recently?” asked Kileski as he bowed his head in honor of the fishermen and careless sixteen year olds who have been disrupted. “It’s little gestures like those that make all the difference.”
At press time an enormous coastal metropolis was building one airport for departures and another for arrivals.
