Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources from an off-campus house indicate that a recent smoke break has absolutely decimated an Indy party.
“Oh yeah, we’ll be right back,” said all of the Indy managing editors, section editors, layout designers, and illustrators as they gathered their cigarettes and tobacco pouches. “Does anyone have a lighter?”
“Where’d everyone go?” asked Parker Wilbur-Hass ‘27, a copy editor who’d been in the bathroom doing ketamine. “All their Docs are gone! Did they all leave?”
“Wait, they can’t have actually left the party,” continued Wilbur-Hass, who was now alone in a room full of empty Miller High Life cans. “All of their leather jackets and tote bags are still here.”
At press time, the Indy’s cloud of smoke had caused Providence to cool by 1 degree.
