Saturday, March 25, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Snooty Cow Prays That Her Milk Will Be Made Into Fancy Cheese

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

Crossing her hooves and hoping for the best, snooty cow Clarabelle Friesiana recently reported that her only wish for the milk being pumped out of her udder is that it will go towards making a really fancy, expensive cheese. “I want people to walk into their local Whole Foods and spend their entire paycheck on the cheese that will be made from my milk,” the ostentatious bovine announced, adding that she believes her milk to be richer and creamier than that of her fellow cows. “I want people to crown their cheese plates with my cheese…I want people to faint at holiday parties when they see a selection that includes my cheese…I want Pinterest boards the world over to feature my cheese…and I want it to be stinky — oh, man, do I want it to be stinky.” At press time, Friesiana was seen demanding gluten-free feed and passing around pamphlets to her peers detailing the massage rituals performed on Kobe beef cows.

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