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The Brown Noser

"So You Hated It?" Says Annoying Waiter To Patrons Who Finished Entire Meal

Published Friday, November 4th, 2016

Smiling smugly to herself and fighting back a chuckle, local waitress Marsha Lang remarked, “So you hated it?” upon noticing that two patrons had polished off their entire meal. Lang went on to call one of the partons “buddy,” and went so far as to make unsolicited dessert recommendations based on her own personal preference.

When asked about Lang’s irritating chummyness, Kelly Xu, Lang’s shift manager, explained, “I agree that Marsha is insufferable, but she’s very good at her job. I think she can’t help calling old women ‘young lady’ and all that other annoying stuff she does.”

“When I asked for more water she said, ‘looks like somebody ran a marathon this morning,’” stated Carl Jensen, one of the patrons subjected to Lang’s annoyingness. “I just wanted more water but all of a sudden I was in the middle of this banter that I never wanted to be a part of in the first place. Later in the meal she said she liked my shirt and asked where I got it. I told her Aeropostale, but I didn’t want to.”

Hillary Kent, another customer at Lang’s restaurant, confirms her annoying tendencies. "When she saw we had finished all the bread in the basket that came out before our meal she said, ‘Woah! You know there’s not gold in at the bottom of that thing right?’ I laughed and said, “Well, we thought we might as well check.’ I don’t know why I engaged in the bit she was doing. She turned me into someone I’m not.”

At press time, Lang was seen telling patrons details about her personal life despite no one having asked.

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