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The Brown Noser

Sophomore Really Getting Off On Giving Advice To Freshmen

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

As she reclined in her chair and casually spouted tidbits of wisdom for all to hear, sources reported that Sasha Singh ’21 was getting far too much pleasure out of offering guidance to new first years.

“She’s enjoying this power imbalance way too much,” complained John Testa ’22, a freshman who asked Singh where the VDub was. “I mean, yeah, I could use some help finding my way around campus, but she’s pretty condescending about it.”

Testa added that he made the mistake of saying “Stephen Robert Campus Center” in Singh’s earshot. “Nobody calls it that. Just call it Faunce,” Singh told him before mumbling “freshmen” under her breath and sauntering away.

“Never say ‘cheese’ when ordering a spicy with,” Singh reportedly barked at a freshman at Jo’s, even though she had made the same mistake a year prior. “The cheese is obviously implied. Everyone knows that.”

Meanwhile, several newly minted seniors were enjoying telling everyone to cherish their time here while it lasts a little too much.

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