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The Brown Noser

Sophomores Unsure How They Going To Pass Classes Without Googling Answers

Published Friday, September 17th, 2021

Anxious about completing the new semester in-person, sophomore Glenn Benson ’24 reported that he isn’t sure how he will pass his classes without just googling every answer.

“Everyone always says the second year of college is the hardest,” said Benson, fretting over the uncertainties of a college experience that involves actual studying. “I hear sophomore year tests all your support systems from freshman year, like who your real friends are, your extracurricular interests, and now whether or not you can pass tests without brazen cheating.”

“The last two semesters were a breeze,” Benson said as he recalled spending his first year at Brown learning how to copy and paste answers he found on the internet. “All I had to do to ace every test was pull up the homework solutions and congregate with my three smartest classmates. How the hell am I supposed to pass my classes now if I’m actually being tested on my knowledge of course material?”

“I still want to take some fun and different courses this semester,” Benson continued. “Maybe I’ll take a language class. Do they do partner tests?”

At press time, Benson practiced pretending to go to the bathroom while looking up answers on his phone.

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