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The Brown Noser

Southern Governors Trying To Get COVID Curve To Do Loop-De-Loop

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

According to a joint press statement released Tuesday, the governors of several southern states are actively working to get the coronavirus curve to do a loop-de-loop.

“The COVID curve reached its peak in our states a few weeks ago, and it has since begun to fall back down,” read the statement, which was signed by governors from a number of states still struggling to contain the pandemic, including Texas, Florida, and Georgia. “We believe a critical next step after getting over a major hill like that is to do a loop-de-loop. Just think how cool it could be if we could get this thing to go upside-down.”

The governors emphasized that their respective state departments of health have been working tirelessly to explore options for bringing the curve back up, around, and down again for a fun little spiral.

“There’s always a chance we could see new cases rise again,” the statement warned, adding that the climb up to the top of the curve might leave you with a giddy feeling of suspense before the exhilarating drop all the way back down. “In fact, it’d be pretty freakin’ awesome if we could go up and down and up and down again really fast like a bunch of waves. Maybe we could throw a sudden free fall in there somewhere to really turn stomachs. Wouldn’t that be so sick?”

The governors concluded by agreeing to work together to build a curve with a super duper high peak.

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