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Area man Terry Lepore, 39, recently came to the unsettling realization that space rocks stop being cool pretty much as soon as they stop being in space. Lepore contacted authorities on Friday night regarding the towering heap of smoldering space rocks currently blocking his driveway. Lepore, who acknowledged that space rocks are usually “totally awesome”, was having a hard time appreciating how cool these space rocks were now that he could no longer leave the area immediately surrounding his house.
The space rocks made an epic and beautiful journey across the night sky on Friday at approximately 11 pm. Lepore, who noticed the spectacle while out walking his dog, watched the descent with awe while contemplating the magnitude of the universe, until he realized that his nearly perfect attendance record at work could be in jeopardy. Although he was at first excited to have a pile of space rocks of his very own, Lepore soon realized that the celestial matter blocking his driveway was “just a bunch of normal rocks”.
Lepore was saddened to realize that the rocks inspired significantly fewer meditations on the origin of life than he had been hoping for, and also that he would have to pay for their removal. He also noted that, though the space rocks produced a pretty sweet gaseous cloud, his house was now a toxic site, which has interrupted Lepore’s daily routine significantly. Lepore, who usually starts the day with a cup of coffee and the morning paper before work, now starts the day by trying in vain to shovel several tons of space rocks out of his driveway.
Lepore, who spent most of his life adamantly believing that space rocks were pretty awesome, was disheartened to learn how much having a pile of them next to his house sucked. He was disappointed further when he realized that there were “no aliens or nothing” in the area.
