Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources from the ceiling indicate that a local spider is strutting around up there like he’s the one paying the fucking bills.
“He’s just swaggering around like he owns the place,” said apartment resident Adam Barnett, watching the confident arachnid parade around on the ceiling as if he were the sole provider for everyone living in the household. “Who does he think he is?”
“He just shows up whenever the fuck he feels like it,” added Barnett, gesturing to the spider who apparently also lives there. “Look at him, it’s like he’s about to crack open a beer and assign me some chores. He’s acting like I can’t just put him in this little foam cup or smash him with my sandal.”
At press time, a fly was buzzing at the window as though it had something to contribute to society.
