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Sports gambling has been labeled a “public health crisis” thanks to some loser at the CDC who can’t hit a parlay.
“It has become clear that new lax regulations surrounding sports gambling have caused millions to latch onto an unhealthy habit,” said the loser, who definitely felt butthurt after losing $1,400 betting stupidly on the NFC Championship, at a press conference. “Sports betting is highly addictive, accessible, and abused. In the end, the house always wins. I should know.”
“Our researchers have found that average Americans are gambling more than they can afford on sportsbook apps, and this has led to a rise in credit delinquencies,” lied the loser, who was only spreading disinformation to make himself feel better about all the money he lost on his most recent parlays. “I’m gonna put this in terms that everyone can understand: Sports gambling is bad. You should not gamble on sports. And I certainly won’t gamble on sports…anymore.”
At press time, a different loser at the CDC who was never invited to any parties was seen labeling alcohol as “the number one cause of vehicle fatalities.”
