According to Cambridge University anthropologists, recently unearthed paleolithic-era clay tablets depict a rom-com featuring two characters who bicker about whether hunters and gatherers can ever really just be friends. “It impossible. Need to mate will always get in way!” says Khork, the stubborn protagonist hunter as he and Khorka, a type-A gatherer, are stuck together riding a mammoth across vast grassland. “Trust Khork, you may think you friends with hunters, Khorka, but all they think about is when make mating with gatherer. Well, that and wild boar. And another thing, can’t hunter compliment gatherer about berry selection without gatherer taking it as come-on? I swear to Gods, Khorka, when trip over, Khork and Khorka never speak again!” At press time, the researchers discovered fragments from the clay tablet indicating that the two nomads finally end up together on Winter Solstice Holiday.

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