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Perplexed sources close to Craig Waters, a straight guy who keeps referring to his “partner,” report that he had better be a lawyer, a cowboy, or on an elementary school field trip to the zoo.
“My partner and I went away for the weekend,” said Waters, who is in a totally straight relationship, so ideally should be referring to someone with whom he runs a law firm, drives cattle, or needs to be back to the school bus by three. “I’ve got such an amazing partner, and I’m so grateful to spend time with her. My partner just gets me, you know?”
Queer sources close to Waters confirm that there are really only three good reasons for him to be saying “partner” this much, four if you include launching a startup with a friend.
“My partner makes me a better man,” Waters said about a woman who hopefully is only his partner in the “objection, your honor,” “howdy,” or “we need to stick together at this zoo so we don’t get lost” kind of way because otherwise, he really has no reason to say “partner.” “My partner and I have a really fulfilling partnership.”
At press time, a married straight man referring to his “life partner” had better be playing the board game Life in teams of two.
