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The Brown Noser

Student Building Sacred Antelope Out Of Human Skulls Realizes This Might be a Cult

Published Friday, December 7th, 2012

Alexis Mahoney ’14.5 realized while hot gluing human skulls together into the shape of the sacred antelope Yazlow on Sunday night that she might be in a cult.

“I don’t want to make any inflammatory claims,” said Mahoney as she secured the antelope’s eyes, which were also made of skulls. “But I think that this might not be the way most people who aren’t in cults spend their Sundays."

“Now that I think about it,” said Mahoney, “things have been a little weird lately. I’ve just been having such a good time with my new friends that I didn’t notice that every time we hang we perform rituals and take blood oaths."

“I know that my friends and I are a little out of the ordinary. We always stick together. I always just figured we have a lot in common, and that’s why we all wear the same blue sweatsuits," added Mahoney, who then used blood to mark the antelope.

“I never really thought twice about it," said Mahoney as she lit a stick of incense. “I just kept thinking how lucky I was to have found a group of friends who share my interests. Now I can’t remember if skinning squirrels and using their pelts to make cloaks was something I was interested in before I met the group, but I think it probably was.” Mahoney then performed an elaborate series of bowing gestures.

“There’s a fine line between good friends and cult members,” said Mahoney. “It’s easy to be unsure."

Mahoney’s good friend Eve Hale ’13 commented, “If you are ready to meet a fun group of people, you should come to our party on Friday. We’ll have a DJ and refreshments will be served to all those who are ready to transcend this earth and move on to the next level of existence where Yazlow will preside over us.”

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