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The Brown Noser

Student Confidently Pops Full Hard Boiled Egg in Mouth At Beginning of Section

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

Cracking open a Tupperware with a fair amount of condensation built up and cracking the shell bits off one by one, senior Kyle Mathews popped an entire hardboiled egg into his mouth just as the TA asked the group to go around the room and share a three word synopsis of the past week’s reading.

“When I asked the question, I had smelled the egg but hadn’t seen it,” explains third year PHD student on the development of Latin America, Stuart Engel, “once I had turned to look to my right, all I saw was the last curved, white edge of the egg entering Kyle’s mouth and a look of extreme calm on his face as he processed my question. I know I had said that I’d allow people to eat food in my section but this just felt egregious”

“I didn’t know if I should just skip over him and say that I thought the reading was about the similarities between the political processes of Argentina and Brazil in the 1930’s,” says fellow classmate Miranda Andrews, “or if I should give him time to eat it and then answer. In all honesty, it seemed like he had more eggs in that Tupperware. I didn’t know how long he was gonna work on that first egg, or how quickly he would start on a second. Once you’ve seen a classmate unhinge their jaw like a snake, it is hard to think about populism.”

At press time, Kyle was seen emptying his egg shells into the “paper only” bin outside the mail room.

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