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Sources from outside Barbour Hall have indicated that a student is just gonna let that guy into their dorm because he probably goes here.
“I mean, he’s kinda college age and vaguely familiar, so what’s the harm in letting this guy into my dorm?" said naive sophomore Sabrina Applegate, already swiping the incredibly shady-looking stranger in. “What are the chances that this guy is a psychopathic murderer that stays in the building overnight and stabs me in my sleep? Most people have good intentions, so this guy I’m just seeing for the first time—he probably has good intentions too.”
“Pretty sure I’ve seen this guy around campus,” said Barbour resident Joseppi Newman ‘26, referring to the guy who he had never seen on campus. “Anyways, I’m not sure who this guy is or what he might do to me if I don’t let him in. Probably a safer play to just let him into the building, then he can leave me alone. I’m sure he’s just excited to go to bed in his suite.”
At press time, that guy was seen waiting to be swiped into a bank vault.
