Partly Cloudy, 64°
After carefully debating where to spend her time after graduating, senior Ashley Sloth from California has decided to move back to her home state of California because there really is nothing like California.
“A lot of people have been wondering where I will be next year, and I think I have finally determined that I will be going back to California,” declared Sloth as she recovered from the utter shock of meeting yet another student from the Bay Area. “Why wouldn’t I return to California? The weather in California is amazing and don’t even get me started on the hiking. I just can’t picture myself anywhere other than California.”
Although Sloth had been presented with competitive offers from top firms in the Northeast and Southeast, she still opted to spend the next few years where the grass is really greener.
“California is my calling,” repeated Sloth as she complained about the lack of green juice and tech tycoons in Rhode Island. “Who cares about California earthquakes when you can go to work in Patagonia. I can’t wait to go back home to California and enjoy the beautiful California sunsets.”
At press time, a graduating student from the City was frantically trying to find an apartment in the City for next year.
