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The Brown Noser

Study: Dolphin The Only Other Mammal That Has Good Sex

Published Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

According to a new study released by the Animal Behavior Research Group at the University of Chicago, dolphins are the only other mammals besides humans that have good sex.

“Our findings indicate that dolphins have sex for pleasure and that they know all the good sex positions,” said Associate Professor Melina Kay. “Much like humans, dolphins try to mix it up to keep things interesting and hot.”

Additionally, the study suggests that dolphins know how to balance confidence in the bedroom with attentiveness to the needs of their partner. “Dolphins are adept at detecting and stimulating the sexual nuances of their lover’s body, but they’re not overly timid,” said Kay. “Sometimes you just want to get fucked. Dolphins know this.”

The researchers also concluded that dolphins are typically down to try anything once, that they enjoy both slow sex and fast sex depending on their mood, and that they frequently have morning sex, the best sex of all.

“We observed a large number of dolphins in our sample engaging in quality noisy sex," said Kay, admitting that the passionate and consensual dolphin lovemaking was basically constant. “Many pairs would bang up against the aquarium glass and let out short bursts of high-pitched frequencies, presumably begging for more.”

Kay added, “That must have been especially good sex.”

These findings mark a turning point in animal behavior research, as they contradict previous assumptions that dolphins are selfish lovers like all other animals and especially pigs.

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