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The Brown Noser

Study Finds That If You Just Look For The Pattern You Can Figure Out The System

Published Friday, December 6th, 2013

A new study released by the Pew Research Center found that if you look hard enough for the pattern you can figure out the system. The study found that there most definitely is a system behind everything, and all you have to do is crack the code.

Lead researcher Carrie Nistor told reporters that there is a clear pattern and once you find it everything will finally make sense. “All you have to do is pay attention,” said Nistor. “The signs are there. You just have to look for them.”

“The pattern is everywhere. It’s all around us,” Nistor added. “Wake up.”

The study, conducted over a three-year period, found that the pattern is there if you just open your eyes. Researchers found that no one is immune to the way the pattern works but if you figure out the system you might be okay. Research shows that the evidence is all around you. The signs are everywhere, including where you’d least expect to find them. The study found that once you’re clued in to the way everything works, you can finally take control.

Researchers cited Egypt, the Cold War, Bagel Bites, The Walt Disney Company, Abu Ghraib, and absolutely everything else in the universe as part of the pattern. “Also the Magna Carta, Fermat’s Last Theorem, and domesticated cats,” said Nistor.

While 100 percent of people and things are part of the system, the study suggests that only 2 percent of people know about the system, and those are the ones to watch out for.

“We found that most people are completely unaware of the part they play,” said researcher Ken Sieks. “When we first began this research, we weren’t even aware that there was a system. But we found it, and now everything makes sense.” Adding that “this is just the beginning,” Sieks told reporters that there are likely systems within the system that will explain everything further.

“See? See that?” Sieks continued. “That proves my point.”

The study concluded that once you know the system, it’s best to keep your head low and wait it out until everything comes to its natural conclusion.

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