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Following a recent revelation, TV show housewife Mary Alice Jones relieved her husband had only murdered someone after suspecting he had been cheating on her.
“Oh thank heavens,” screamed Jones, solaced that her husband had not committed adultery, but rather, simply poisoned her next door neighbor. “For the longest time there were these little signs. The long hours at work, the dodgyness, the red on his shirt… Thank goodness it all just led to Mrs. Porter’s murder.”
“I don’t know how this family would recover from an extramarital affair,” continued Jones, letting out a deep sigh of relief after seeing a dead body on her couch. “Our kids, how could they continue on with their lives knowing their daddy is a cheater? Oh god, I don’t even want to think about it. I’m just glad they can now carry on with their relationship during visitor hours at the county jail.”
At press time, a TV show mom speculated her son might be stealing money, luckily he only selling drugs at school.
