At the Natural History Museum this week, sources report that the taxidermy weasel is horribly misshapen.
“This weasel looks completely wrong. I don’t know who stuffed it, but they’ve probably never seen a weasel in their life,” said museum patron Alexander Sellers, turning his head and squinting to see if the weasel looked any more normal that way. “The only reason I even knew it was a weasel was because of the plaque that says ‘WEASEL.’ Otherwise it just looks like a fur blob.”
“This poor weasel looks like it was squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, thrown at the wall, and put through the dryer before it was set up on the little pedestal,” continued Sellers, trying to figure out why the weasel’s tail was tied in a knot. “Looking in its completely misaligned glass eyes, I just feel so bad.”
At press time, the taxidermy deer heads on your uncle’s walls were so horrifying.

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