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The Brown Noser

Thayer Street Is So Quaint, Reports Mom Who Has Never Been Mowed Down By Uber At 3 PM On Tuesday

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020

Local mom Susan Gilford recently remarked that Thayer Street is so quaint, revealing she has never been mowed down by an Uber at 3 pm on a Tuesday.

“Thayer is so nice with its tiny shops and restaurants," said Gilford, who has never once had to dodge an oncoming ride-sharing vehicle barreling down the road on her way home from class. “It’s so great to have all these places so close to campus.”

“Every time I come to Brown, there’s such a great mix of locals and students on Thayer,“ added Gilford, who lacked the experience of almost getting run over by a car while crossing the street in broad daylight. “It makes the campus feel like more of a community.“

“I wish I had places like the Avon or CVS so close to my dorm when I went to college,” continued Gilford, who hasn’t ever narrowly avoided getting violently flung onto the pavement like a ragdoll by a speeding Honda Odyssey near CVS. “It’s a luxury to live right next to a street like this.”

At press time, Gilford was commenting on how the Nelson Fitness Center is so nice and convenient, making it clear that she has never had to fight an 80-year-old professor for a treadmill.

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