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The Brown Noser

"There No More News," Reports BDH

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

According to a recent Brown Daily Herald article, there is no more news.

“We’re all out,” said BDH Editor-In-Chief Louise Haler, receiving no news alerts on her phone. “The news has already all been reported, and there’s none left.”

“This is definitely a challenge for student journalists, being out of news,” Haler continued, scouring Google’s “news” tab and coming up with nothing. “We tried to find some more, but there just isn’t any news anywhere. We’ve used it all up.”

The BDH article also alleged that there is nothing going on and that everything is the same as it has been.

“Welp, that’s it,” Haler said as she sent the last issue of the BDH to print. “That’s the last bit of news. It’s all gone.”

At press time, Brown Motion Pictures announced that there aren’t movies.

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