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The Brown Noser

Thoughtful, Self-Aware Man Wishes He Could Be Topic Of Satirical Headline For Once

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

After reading some satirical headlines, thoughtful and self-aware man Mason Thompson admitted that he wishes to someday be the topic of one.

“All my friends get razzed by a silly headline every once in awhile," explained Thompson. "Like my buddy really resonated with this “Guy Wearing Shorts in Snow Must be Tough, Rugged Individual” article. I want to know how that feels for once. But, wow, I sound whiny. I don’t mean to offend the people who do get headlines written about them. I’m really happy for them!”

Thompson confessed that he’s not sure what the headline would be.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I buy expensive drinks from Starbucks which is kind of embarrassing. I guess a headline could play on that. But I laugh at myself when people bring it up, and I always bring my own reusable cup to cut down on landfill waste.”

“I wear khakis a lot and I guess that’s sort of funny,” Thompson continued. “But there’s nothing super interesting about that, and not enough to satirize. And all my friends say they’re ‘cool’ khakis, whatever that means. Personally, I think I look pretty dorky in them. But I’m not trying to humblebrag, that would be obnoxious—gosh, maybe I should just shut up.”

At press time, a Noser writer had submitted an article about Thompson’s khakis for the September issue, but it didn’t make the cut.

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