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The Brown Noser

Tight-Knit Unit Holds Hands Everywhere They Go

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

Meandering across campus in a serpentine line, students in freshman Unit 12 have become so close-knit in the first two weeks of school that they all hold hands everywhere they go.

“We just really get along,” said Polly McGarron, intertwining her fingers with her unit mates on either side. “Other units talk about being special and close, but we’re clearly the most tight-knit because we’ve had a death grip on each others’ hands since day one.”

“These people are my best friends in the entire world,” she continued as she swung her arms in sync with her 25 unit mates. “Nothing can break us apart. Literally. We will not stop holding hands for anything because we love each other. It’s only been two weeks, but it feels like a lifetime.”

At press time, the unit was sighted conspicuously winding into a random John Street party.

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