Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources report that local man Daniel Anderson has been attempting to use YouTube Shorts to wean himself off of TikTok.
“I’m proud he’s making progress, at least,” said Anderson’s friend, Bryan Sanders. “But seeing him slowly descend to worse and worse copies of TikTok is sort of depressing.”
“Every time I talk to him, he won’t listen unless he’s got some video of Minecraft parkour or a time lapse of someone making slime running in the background,” added Sanders. “This can’t be good for his health.”
“I’ve got to get my fix!” said Anderson, frantically scrolling through whatever Facebook’s mediocre TikTok knockoff is called. “I just found this funny new trend, it’s called the Pinegrove Shuffle!” added Anderson, pointing to a screen recording of a screen recording of a TikTok video.
“Thank god I’m not spending so much time on TikTok anymore,” said Anderson, who now spends 8 hours a day on YouTube Shorts, Instagram Reels, Snapchat’s “Discover” page, Spotify Slides, Myspace Movies, Yahoo Snippets, Wikipedia Short Form Video Player, and the Weather App. “It’s hard, but I’m pushing through.”
At press time, a frazzled-looking Anderson was allegedly seen vertically swiping on the screen of the laundry machine interface.
