Wednesday, January 26, 2022
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

Trader Joe’s Publishes 5-Part Erotica Series On Back Of Cracker Box

Published Friday, April 9th, 2021

According to customers at the popular grocery store, Trader Joe’s has been quietly publishing an erotica series on the back of their “Social Snackers” crackers, now in its fifth titillating installment.

“Usually they put some quirky blurb on the packaging,” said customer Kelly Wolbers, fanning herself as she reached the end of this week’s chapter. “But they’re really branching out with this. They teased it in February’s Fearless Flyer, and I’ve been hooked ever since.”

The NSFW saga chronicling the sexual encounters of a mild-mannered executive assistant has graced the shelves of Trader Joe’s since March, written in a pleasing serif font and surrounded by whimsical illustrations of mustachioed men drinking tea.

“This is a far cry from the usual list of bagel puns or couplets about different ways to serve brie,” Wolbers said, cautioning that the erotica is extremely scandalizing and mildly degrading toward women. “That might explain why they’re putting the Social Snackers on the top shelf now.”

At press time, Dr. Bronner’s snuck some erotic love poetry they were workshopping between the rambling manifestos on their soap bottles.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…