Reports from the back row of a List Art Center lecture indicate that two middle school-aged kids whom nobody remembers ever seeing before are making out there. Early reports that the middle schoolers were the professor’s children were dismissed when the two started kissing.
Students in the 100-person class currently being held in the lecture hall have reacted with confusion to the presence of the two unidentified preteens. “Did they come here to make out?” asked Joseph McGovern ’12. “Or were they already coming here and then they decided to start making out? It’s not entirely clear.”
Some speculate that the 12-to-14-year-old students chose the lecture hall as a place to become intimate because the location offered them privacy from nosy parents and teachers. Others insist the two would be all over each other no matter where they were. “When I was in middle school, I’d make out practically anywhere,” said Juliette Haynes ’13. “On the bus, at the mall, behind the general store. These kids are clearly of that mindset, and while I wish they’d ended up in a different lecture hall, I get that sometimes you’ve just got to make out.”
A number of students expressed their relief that the young couple came to the classroom alone and unaccompanied by other pairs of similarly uninhibited young sweethearts. “Seems like when these middle school kids French kiss, they do it in droves,” said Ricky Hawthorne ’12. “Every time I go to the movies it’s like a giant pre-pubescent make out-fest. Really gross. One couple seems okay though, and it’s actually been sort of endearing so far.”
According to several sources, if the romantic interaction between the middle schoolers goes any further, things will get really weird and someone might need to step in and ask them to stop. But most agree that this kind of escalation is unlikely to occur. “They’re kids, so I presume they’ll remain content just open-mouth kissing,” said Professor Ivan Miscovich. “We shouldn’t read too far into the hand she’s placed on his leg. It’s pretty far down, so I don’t think we’re at risk of a big upset.”