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A group of six pigs, three horses, two dogs, four sheep, and a dozen hens were abandoned by their owner over eight weeks ago. They reportedly did not even begin any union activity, and, in fact, all starved in under three weeks.
“I’m not sure how this could have happened,” said Frederick Blevins, an organized labor expert. “These animals, each of which could’ve easily played some discrete yet equitable role in their new utopia, didn’t even discuss the nature of their collective labor power.”
“They should have unionized or something,” continued Blevins, despite the fact that none of them knew how to run a combine, let alone open new bags of feed for them to eat. “It’s very strange, considering that there was even an old, especially wise-seeming pig who should’ve been rallying these guys together.”
“After a few weeks went by without any revolutionary chatter from the farm, I assumed it was because they had just settled on a union,” said Alex Martinez, a local organizer for the nearby agricultural labor union. “Turns out, they were mostly all dying of either exposure, starvation, or a combination of the two.”
“Still, it couldn’t have killed them to get involved in local efforts,” lamented Martinez, recalling his dismay when he saw no cows, chickens, or pigs present at chapter meetings following their newfound freedom. “They could’ve started simple, y’know. Read some theory. Even the simple stuff, like Lenin.”
At press time, a group of teenage boys lost on an island were reportedly getting along just fine.
