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The Unicorn Starbucks of the enchanted forest announced a new human flavored frappuccino for their winter menu.
“We didn’t just come up with this idea on our own. I mean, so many people put their hearts into this frappuccino,” said Unicorn Starbucks Manager Aurora Sparkles as she tossed a human heart into a blender. “We use a chunk of heart, a lock of hair, a nail clipping, a dash of salvia, a used toothpick, and guava. I mean, if human Starbucks can make a unicorn frappuccino, why can’t we make a human one?”
“Everything on our menu was just so sour or sweet. We thought, ‘Why not try something bloody and raw?’” said Sparkles as she used her hooves to hang up a “Drew Barrymore Meet-and-Greet” sign on a tree. “See, this is how we trap people. We hang up posters pretending there’s a Drew Barrymore meet-and-greet—because, literally who would say no to that?—which lures them into our shop, and then a few hours later, boom, human frappuccino.”
At press time, the nearby Mule bar unveiled their new drink, the Moscow Mister.
