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The Brown Noser

University Delivers Giant Wooden Tent Filled With Police Officers To Encampment

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

University officials recently delivered a giant wooden tent, which was reportedly filled with police officers, to the Gaza solidarity encampment on the Main Green.

“They pretended like they were just giving us another tent, but we obviously knew something was off because this tent was huge, wooden, and on wheels,” said encamper Ruby Goldstein as police officers began peeking out from the inside of the tent. “Like, we’ve all heard the Trojan Horse story. If they wanted to get us in trouble with law enforcement so badly, they could’ve at least tried something original.”

“C-Pax came up to us with a smile on her face, wheeling this massive built triangle,” Goldstein continued, gesturing at the difference between the students’ tiny R.E.I. tents and the colossal wooden one. “She was like, ‘Here you go, guys! I’ve brought you another tent, just to make sure everyone can stay warm!’ She kept telling us there was definitely nothing weird about her gift, and then she tip-toed away, snickering. It was ridiculous because we literally all knew that there were people, probably police officers, inside that tent.”

“It was pretty over-the-top when she described this huge wooden tent, clearly reminiscent of the wooden horse in the Trojan War, as a ‘peace offering’ and a ‘step toward repairing our bruised relationship,’ Goldstein said, gesturing toward the Providence Police Officers clambering out of the doors of the tent. “I mean, we all knew there was something strange in there, because it was, like, a blatantly suspicious move on admin’s part.”

At press time, an armor-clad Paxson was yelling “Charge!” and running at the confused campers with a metal shield.

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