Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources from the Narnwartz School of Wizarding confirmed that the forbidden Orb of Perpetual Despair is actually closer to an Oblate Spheroid of Moderate Ennui.
“This sucks. The Orb of Perpetual Despair was an integral part of my plan to inflict chaos and desolation upon the wizarding world,” lamented evil wizard Clarissa Sonju while caressing the spheroid along its deceptively flat circumference. “What am I gonna do now? Remind everyone that their dog is gonna die one day? Like, sure, it’s bad, but we aren’t exactly talking about perpetual despair.”
“I feel like such a fool. I’ve worked myself up with all this scheming and conniving to get my hands on this secret artifact, and for what? To tell people exactly how many days it’s been since they called their mom? Lame!” added Sonju, who was feeling severe ennui in light of her current circumstance. “Y’know what? I don’t think I’m cut out for this evil wizardry business. Maybe I should just go back to law school.”
At press time, sources added that the Book of Infinite Pages was more like the Book of Exactly 1,159,384,092 Pages.
