Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources have confirmed that the weirdly territorial dog on the Main Green doesn’t even attend Brown University.
“I was just trying to drink my Blue Room coffee and get some reading done out on the Main Green when this massive German Shepard came galloping at me and barking loudly,” said Penny McLoughlin ’26 while the dog chased a RISD student wearing cat ears around University Hall. “I didn’t think anything of it at first because I thought I remembered him from my freshman year economics lecture, but my friend told me he doesn’t even go here. Ugh, the nerve!”
“Like, excuse me, only registered students taking at least three credits are allowed to pee on the statue of Marcus Aurelius. Go find a fire hydrant maintained and operated by a local municipality in which you pay taxes, not on our University’s artwork. We pay tuition for the right to pee on things, buster!” continued McLoughlin while searching “Michael Vick highlights” on YouTube. “If that dog thinks he can canter on campus and start sniffing people’s butts, then I’ve got news for him. If you haven’t paid the student activities fee and set up a butt-sniffing event with SAO, you’re in for a world of hurt, buddy!”
“Ruff! Ruff! Yap, yap, yap! Woof! Wuff! Bow-wow! Grrr… woof!” Barked the dog despite not being enrolled in any accredited courses at the University. “Roo-roo! Hooowwwwl! Bark, bark! Yap! Ruff! Arf-arf! Wuff! Bow-wow! Woof!”
At press time, the rat scampering in the Ratty didn’t even help cook the food.
