Wings and Things has eliminated chicken wings from its menu after owners said a decreased demand for wings, coupled with a rising interest in everything else, necessitated the shift to a more thing-centric business model.
The Brook Street eatery decided last month to expand its previous selection, which featured things as popular as cole slaw and chocolate chip cookies, to include all other entities that have existed, exist, will exist or could exist anywhere ever.
"Our wings were popular enough," said Wings and Things founder and owner Sal Arronta, "but the big downside of it was that we marginalized all the lovers of non-wings who live in this city. There's more of them than you might expect."
Thing enthusiast Brian Garber '12 said he was excited about the new options, which he hoped would include some of his all-time favorites such as natural beauty, long-awaited embraces with loved ones and breakfast burritos.
Others were disappointed that delicious chicken wings, for which they had come to depend on Wings and Things, were the solitary exclusion from the new menu.
"It seems like you can get pretty much anything now on College Hill," said Jessica Smyth '13. "If you want bagels, you can go to Bagel Gourmet or Wings and Things. If you want surgery to improve your vocal range, you can just swing by Wings and Things. But if you want some nice barbecue wings, I don't know. Where are you supposed to go?"
Renovations expanding the restaurant to a size sufficient for storing all of the things - a size larger than the universe itself - will be expensive, but Arronta said the potential revenue justifies the cost.
"We think we've stumbled upon a market that we are very unlikely to saturate, and that's a good thing," he said. "Come to mention it, the act of stumbling upon hard-to-saturate markets will be available for just $13.99 starting next week."
To promote the new menu, Wings and Things has announced a one-week 30 percent discount on things, with a further ten percent off concepts and statements. Arronta said the additional discount was needed to bring down the steep price of paradoxes, which can run as high as $? due to overhead costs.