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Providence resident Allison Rosenberg has been happily dating her new boyfriend, Craig, for three weeks, and while the relationship is going well, she only wishes that he did not always behave like such a highly trained mercenary when talking to waiters.
Though Rosenberg insists Craig is normally a “really sweet guy,” she cannot help but feel anxious when the two of them dine in restaurants, because of his tendency to mouth off at waiters and then massacre their villages as a privately funded soldier in a war he has no stake in other than his own material gain.
“I don’t even think he really knows he’s doing it when he’s doing it,” remarked Rosenberg. “It’s just in the tone that he uses with them. Like, this tone that comes off as very entitled and condescending. Also, the large belts of ammunition he carries on his person during service encounters.”
According to Rosenberg, when the two of them are at a restaurant, even the slightest imperfection with an order is enough to set Craig off.
“The other night we were at this French place and he asked that his steak be cooked medium well, and the poor garçon thought he said ‘medium rare,’” remarked Rosenberg. “Well, Craig gave the guy a really hard time about it, and then decapitated him and impaled his head on the chandelier as a warning to the others.”
“To me that just seemed rude and totally over the top,” she added. “I felt so bad, I left a huge tip.”
Craig’s behavior has affected the couple’s dining schedule. Whereas they used to dine out on a regular basis, Rosenberg now usually insists that they just order in or cook for themselves.
“Honestly, it’s just too embarrassing,” said Rosenberg. “I enjoy going out to eat, but I can’t stand watching Craig diligently and soberly ravage the service staff of an entire restaurant, collecting spoils and receiving payment from local warlords by whom he has been hired as a politically impartial mercenary soldier—all because they gave him diet when he asked for regular.”
She added, “It’s just not how I was raised to treat waiters.”
