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Though acquaintance "Dani HeyGurrrl Ferocious" '12, whose actual last name you don't remember, has begun completely ignoring you in real life, she persists in inviting you via Facebook to Brown Orchestra concerts, BUGS shows, and a "Sexy Save the Snow Leopards Fundraiser" on the Main Green.
Your long and unfulfilling Facebook friendship with Ferocious began three weeks into freshman year, when you decided it would be a great idea to request the friendship of the girl from last night's party who knew your friend Allison from an electronic music first-year seminar and was wearing the funny rain boots with little whales on them.
"She seems cool!" you thought, clicking the "Add as Friend" button with reckless abandon, an oversight for which you now berate yourself nightly (but not quite enough to just de-friend her already).
That fatal click unleashed a seemingly endless stream of invitations to events put on by Ferocious' student groups, a stream that persists in spite of the fact that you have not once exchanged more than two words with Ferocious or shown any interest in attending her events.
Until last week, you and Ferocious acknowledged each other in passing with a perfunctory nod or a barely-audible "hey". Last Thursday, however, Ferocious boldly ignored you for an entire trolley ride back from East Side Marketplace with nary a disinterested "how are you" or a phony closed-mouth smile.
You briefly entertained the hope that this snub might signify a blissful end to the relationship in both the 2- and 3-D realms. Your Facebook messages, however, told a different story. The red-boxed numeral "1" over the Messages icon, which once held the promise of too-juicy-for-your-Wall gossip from a friend, now yields only four separate notes from Ferocious explaining that the three people that left scarves at her last Tea and Needlepoint get-together can email her to reclaim them.
It seems that Ferocious possesses the stunning audacity to impose her own selfish agenda on the innocent News Feed of a total stranger. Each new offer to partake in "Square Dancing Lessons For Bulimia" or a "Who Started the War on War?" Janus Forum Lecture silently joins the 20 or so neglected event invitations on your Facebook page, 19 of which are also for shitty things you don't want to do.
"Should I say I'm going to attend, so my friends will see that I'm going and decide to go too and it'll be fun? Or should I be honest and say I'll maybe attend? Or should I be really honest and say I will not attend? You know, I think I'll just play it cool and be Awaiting Reply," you say to yourself about an upcoming Religion, Spirituality, and Sex in the Muslim World Focus Group, as do 854 of the other 867 invitees. "It's not rude, they'll just think I don't check my Facebook nineteen times an hour."
