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Do you know any Babies who speak English? Probably not. And even if you do, it probably has an almost incomprehensible accent.
Within 20 years babies will have more jobs then Americans. No Baby I know can do a task like a good full-fledged, law-abiding Adult. And even they do, they'll probably cry about it. Typical.
Why are there so many Babies, you ask? Babies are cheap. They're cheap to make. Cheaper than trying to stop them from coming.
Babies just 'showed up'? Please. We both know many of them came in illegal ways. Just try and stop it. Your latex fence is futile at best.
You want to sleep like a baby? Poor Baby, you're tired? Why don't you take a nap in the middle of the day while I'm slaving away at my 35th floor office? Try just popping out of nowhere and getting full free benefits that come with being a legitimate Adult. Yeah, that would have me sleeping at night, too.
No wonder we keep you behind bars at night.
You know, I wouldn't mind having a good nap full of dreams myself. Sorry, I have to work 6 hours every day just to feed my family, pay my mortgage for my house, pay the mortgage for my summer house, pay my phone bill, heat my pool, and God knows whatever my wife brings home today from the mall.
Babies suck. They suck on nipples. And if your "Mommy's" nipple gets tired, I'm sure she will be ready to spoon-feed you. And you whine about the living conditions? Bah!
Last week my wife returned from Pilates and said we should get a Baby for the house. Maybe just one to help out, eat the food off the floor. A Baby? In my house? Preposterous! You better believe I'll be getting Adults to pick up the toys in my home.
You try to get one, sometimes you end up with two! What?! Twins, they call them! They look the same. But they don't act the same, exactly.
So what do we do with them? We can't send them back to from where they came. There's too many of them. They're too big.
And they're getting bigger.
