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I'm all for professors who are well-versed in literature. It's important to have teachers who can point students to just the right passage to answer their questions or get them thinking. But when every single word out of your mouth is a direct quote of Nigerian novelist Chinua Achebe, there comes a point where things start to fall apart.
We get it, Chinua Achebe. You know your Chinua Achebe.
Take last week. I was sitting in East Side Pockets when Chinua Achebe waltzes up to the counter and asks for "a falafel wrap, no red sauce, extra hummus," which is literally word-for-word what Achebe famously said when he walked into East Side Pockets that day and ordered a falafel wrap.
Or yesterday, on the main green, Achebe responded to a friend's question with the classic Achebe quote, "I am fitting in quite well, thank you. It is a beautiful campus."
Admittedly, I'm impressed he knew that one, but he needn't be such a pretentious douche about it. Why can't he just answer the question instead of seeing it as yet another opportunity to flaunt his literary knowledge?
Achebe gave a talk last week, which I would have attended if I didn't already know it would just be an hour-long recitation of Chinua Achebe quotes strung together in a pathetic attempt to seem original. Attendees have confirmed that pretty much the whole speech was lifted right from Achebe. He even opened with "Good evening."
What an asshole.
And believe me, I gave him every chance to defend himself. I emailed him asking if he could explain why he relies so much on what is, in my opinion, unabashed plagiarism. His response? "I'm not sure what you're asking, but if you clarify your question I am sure I would be happy to answer." Typical. He answered with, of all things, an Achebe quote. Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.
One last word to Chinua Achebe: you may think you are on fire with this whole quoting thing, but I believe it was Achebe who once wrote, "Living fire begets cold, impotent ash." Take heed, Chinua Achebe, take heed. People are starting to see what a brazen fraud you really are.
