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In a bizarre assertion of megalomania, Donald Trump has officially changed the size of his name to Donald Trump, an increase in font size from the standard 12 point type to a slightly more arrogant 13. Asked why he felt this change was necessary, Trump replied, "When people drive through New York City, my name jumps out at them from all of my buildings. So I thought, why not create that same effect when people are looking at a sheet of paper? It's genius."
Trump bought the rights to the entire size 13 font for himself, and also purchased the size 12.5 for his son, Donald Jr. "My father is a great man," began Donald Jr. "When people drive through New York City, his name jumps out at them from all of his buildings. So he thought, why not create that same effect when people are looking at a sheet of paper? It's genius."
This is not the first time in recent weeks that Trump has gone to extreme measures to make (and augment) a name for himself. In March, The Donald bartered away a six pack of Coca Cola to obtain a 17 ton crystal obelisk from a small, poverty stricken Egyptian village, which he then used to adorn the master closet in one of his twelve penthouse suites at his Atlantic City hotel/casino, The Taj Mahal. Last week, he also announced plans for a special, "I'm not cancelling my show because I like being on television" edition of The Apprentice, which will air in the fall.
"I have a twist this year that will blow everyone's mind. It's going to be American Idol vs. Dancing With the Stars. One of them will be.HIRED."
However, Trump's font size switch has had the most profound effect of any of his latest actions. What began as a simple augmentation has slowly become something much bigger: a bloodthirsty lust for monopoly over font size 13.
"This is bullshit," began Brown Freshman Arthur Winnow. "He can't buy the entire size just for his name. I have a history paper due tomorrow that's supposed to be eight pages long. The font-a-roo was my ace in the hole. My ace in the f&%$ing hole!"
Hundreds of humanities students share the same grievances. "Professor Burron has hawk eyes when it comes to spotting squeezed margins. But when I bump up the size one or two tenths of a point she's never the wiser! [Sigh] .As long as Trump doesn't buy the rights to 2.1 spacing between lines, though, I should still be fine."
