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By now everyone has surely heard of the terrible error in August's issue of GQ. The magazine listed our very own Brown University as the douchiest college in America.
I take offense to that. It's pronounced douchéest.
GQ's use of the base term "douche" is inexcusable; whether the error was inadvertent or malevolent, the fact remains: a national magazine has libeled generations of proud Brown douchés.
It is truly an insult to thousands of vast, vast Brown intellects that anyone thought this would slip by unnoticed.
Now I don't know who came up with this list, or what gives them the right to wantonly ignore accent marks. When I get up every morning to drink a cappuccino and read The New Yorker, do I go to a cafe? Absolutely not. I go to a café.
Did I force my friends to see the matinee of An Inconvenient Truth? That is preposterous. I forced them to see the matinée, you fools, the matinée. Four times.
And is it hypocritical to justify spending thousands of dollars a year on yourself by pretending that your Brown education's benefit to the world will undoubtedly outweigh the exorbitant costs? Not at all. The phrase is better captured by the French word, hipocrite. Hipocrité.
Furthermore, it is simply not true, as some have alleged, that when one looks up "douche" in the dictionary one finds a picture of a Brown student! No. One must look up "douché" to find said picture.
The worst part is that everyone (intelligent people and non-Brown students alike) seems to just accept GQ's butchering of the term. Yesterday I heard one student assert that "everyone knows Duke is really the douchiest college in America." Ignorant plebeian. The douchéest college! And besides, it's clearly Brown. We are and always will be the douchéest college in the world!
Brown is not douchey. Brown is douchée, and I spit my organic vegan hummus in the face of anyone who says otherwise.
