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Hungry Brunonians seeking late-night eats this week have reported observing undeniable signs that famously well-behaved campus convenience store Little Jo's has entered a stage of violent teenage rebellion against his father, campus eatery Josiah's.
"Everyone knew that Little Jo felt suffocated by his dad, but he never said a word about it," said Todd Goldberg '10, longtime friend of the once shy and non-confrontational snack shop, "He was terrified of Josiah - who wouldn't be? I have trouble dealing with the fact that my dad can beat me at arm wrestling. his dad is forty times his size!"
"The guy was incredibly jealous, too," Goldberg added. "He couldn't stand spending every Friday night quietly selling Skittles and tubes of Chapstick while just a few feet away his father partied it up with a bunch of drunken co-eds. I knew it wouldn't be long before he started acting out."
Alison Levitt '12 noticed the first of several unusual changes at Little Jo's when she entered the store on Tuesday evening to begin her usual cashier shift. "A crew of painters, who claimed to have been contracted by Little Jo, had coated his walls with pink and black stripes," Levitt said. "It's a nice look for him - it really brings out his shelves - but it's a pretty shocking departure for a kid who's worn nothing but off-white for his entire life." Levitt was further stunned when a crumpled inventory list she found in a Josiah's trashcan revealed that Little Jo, once known as the consummate teacher's pet, had refused to stock Grape Nuts for three weeks, and was in danger of being required to repeat a year in store school.
When the Little Jo's opened the following Wednesday, unexpected additions to his inventory such as body jewelry, smoking paraphernalia, and heavy metal CDs shocked many customers. "When I chose to go to Brown, I didn't realize that I would be buying my Honey Nut Cheerios at Hot Topic," said disgruntled Moses Thompson '13. Added Thompson, "Iceburn!"
Still more perplexed students asked why all drinks at Little Jo's have been replaced by vodka and gin bottles - presumably taken from Josiah's private liquor cabinet - which somebody very obviously drank, filled with water, and resealed.
While Little Jo's newly defiant behavior has had a strong impact on those in the Brown community, the effects of his rebellion extend far up Thayer Street. Childhood friends of Little Jo, such as CVS and Johnny Rockets, report that their old companion has grown distant, preferring to spend his time with Fish Co. and The Kind Connection.
Josiah's response to his son's unruly conduct remains to be seen. However, as the student body's initial reaction of shock subsides, many have expressed approval of the new in-your-face attitude of Brown's once-quiet convenience store. "I think this is his way of letting us know that microwaveable food entrees, candy by the ounce, and refusal of meal credits are not the only things that set him apart from his overbearing father," said Lilian Case '10. "I applaud him - and I was looking to pick up a new Slipknot poster anyway, so this whole thing works out well for me."
