A recent Morning Mail snafu has led to a new university-sponsored "Advisor Instant Massage" program, leaving students, faculty, and heavily-armed Swedish men in complete confusion.

"What a disaster," complained Dean Durnstein, founder and head of the proposed program. "This mistake is egregious, outrageous, and unacceptable. Our massages are by no means instant."

Explaining that the email should have read, "insane massage program," Durnstein went on to list the various amenities their services would offer. "We use warm aromatic oils, soft lighting, and gentle music to create an atmosphere of safety and relaxation. Think of the sounds of the ocean carried on a tropical breeze, and apply that feeling to your whole body. That's not the kind of thing you can rush, believe you me."

Durnstein added, "We also provide information on summer internship and post-graduate opportunities."

Despite the Morning Mail typo, students seem to be flocking to the on-the-go, professional massages. As one student commented on all the confusion, "At least there was a happy ending."

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