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In what many experts are calling "the beginning of the rise of the machines! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! AHHHH!!!" a University Scantron machine meted failing marks to a record three hundred and forty seven students enrolled in "ENGN 58: Entrepreneurship in a Modern Era." Professor Warren Prinkley is unsure whether or not he will be applying a curve to the exam, but is optimistic that the innovative way in which the test was graded will encourage students to give the class positive marks on the Critical Review.
Prinkley's midterm consisted of eighty seven yes-or-no-type questions, and was graded by a specially programmed Scantron machine. Prinkley had hoped that his students would realize that the test would be graded by an entrepreneur who would simply not take 'no' as a legitimate response.
"Really, what I was trying to emphasize with this exam was that you can never let your guard down," began Prinkley. "You have to assume everyone. and everything. in this world is an entrepreneur. Especially robots. That's rule number one."
However, some students have found Prinkley's in-class antics and philosophies slightly puzzling.
"I hear he carries elephant tranquilizer in his dossier in case he ever runs into any entrepreneurs," claims Jamie Zalawsky '11. "And I don't mean that like a rumor, because he's the one I heard it from. He showed us his crossbow."
Many students are starting to wonder if this is a class on entrepreneurship or a class on defense against entrepreneurship.
"I thought he was a pretty funny, witty guy when he went on and on about how we should never give hobos change on the street because they're probably just evil venture capitalists in disguise, waiting to suck us into their sinister pyramid schemes," said Merv Higherton '10. ". but I think he might be serious. And I think he might be right."
Higherton and many others like him seem to be heeding Prinkley's words, though often causing trouble in the process. Higherton himself was involved in a particularly nasty skirmish yesterday in the popular campus eatery, Josiah's.
Jo's cashier Randalf McSheist '11 was particularly shaken up by the events. "I asked him if he wanted to go get a bag of chips because his spicy [chicken] with [cheese] came out to be less than a meal credit, but then he just started shouting 'ENTREPRENEUR! ENTREPRENEUR!' and blowing into this really loud whistle," recounted McSheist. "After he was done spraying mace into my eyes he pulled the fire alarm and ran away crying."
"Yes, I gave them all whistles," said Prinkley, in response to the incident. "Sometimes the danger of an imminent entrepreneurial encounter can be overwhelming. Sometimes one may forget the protocol despite the easy-to-remember, sing-along format: 'Spray the mace, in the face. Bring them harm, fire alarm. If they still won't go, whistles a-blow.' And in those times you can call on me to help. But in such times one must always remember to never, ever negotiate with capitalists."
Neighbors claim that Prinkley tends to sit outside on his porch wearing a caped leotard, waiting to hear the whistle of danger and rush to the rescue with his "dope gun."
"A hero? I wouldn't say that I'm a hero, per se," continued Prinkley, laughing jovially. "No, I'm probably more of a superhero. Haven't you seen my cape?"
