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Almost a full four months after returning to the United States, Janet Denson '08 still can't even go ten minutes without blathering about Kenya. Densen spent her fall semester in the African nation, providing aid to some of its most impoverished regions.
"It's important for people to realize that not everybody in the world is as fortunate as we are," Denson told The Noser seventeen times. "I wanted to do my part to bring a little hope and light to the people who really need it: Kenyans."
Denson's classmates, while impressed by her dedication to charity, are less than enthusiastic about her attitude.
"Janet is a generous and committed civil servant. Oh yeah, and an intolerable, self-righteous bitch," said Brooke Stevens '08. "Ever since she got back, she's done nothing but spew melodramatic tales of heroism. From the way she talks, you'd think she dug like forty wells."
"You're damn right I dug forty wells!" Denson said. "I now hold the world records for charitable well-digging and helpless-child-from-hyena-saving. Suck on that, Red Cross."
Last month, Denson created the annual Janet E. Denson Award for Generosity of Spirit and Humility of Soul, which she presented to herself.
"I would have given it to someone else if they had come close to rivaling my sheer goodness. Hell, I would have given it to someone who dug even half as many wells. Of course, had I done so, I would have proven myself even more deserving of the award, and then I would have taken it back."
Despite Denson's personality flaws, Stevens can't help but draw a positive analogy.
"I guess she's kind of like Mother Teresa," Stevens said. "You know, if Mother Teresa had been an ultra competitive, egotistical blowhard."
"Mother Teresa?" Denson replied when told of Stevens' comparison. "Please. That small-time altruist ain't got shit on Saint Janet."
The Office of International Programs recently received a letter from one of the many villages in Kenya which Denson had visited. It simply read: "We are eternally grateful for the wonderful things that Janet did for our people. Next time, though, could you please send someone who can shut the fuck up for like five minutes?"
