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According to sources, students were "let down" by the "languid" stride of this semester's Naked Donut Run. "I was quite dismayed," said Gregory Sumple '11. "I wanted to witness running. Heck, a jog or even a brisk walk would have sufficed. This wasn't even close though. If anything, it was a Naked Donut Stroll."
In past years, countless students have looked forward to the Run to help get them through the arduous hours of late-night studying. Carol Shenanigan '10 reminisced about previous experiences with the donut distributors. "It's odd. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about a flash of nudity complemented by a sugar rush. It's revitalizing." This year, however, students were found languishing in the wee hours of the night after not having been pumped with the energy necessary to carry on their studies.
There is speculation about why the streakers have slowed. Some attribute the new pace to a change in membership. They claim there has been an influx of exhibitionists into the group in recent months. "The mentality is different now," said Diane Warbler '09. "These new Naked Donut Runners think the key is to maximize the exposure to nudity when, in fact, it's the nudity-dessert dynamic that is most important.
We don't really want to bask in their nakedness. The runners should simply surprise us with nudity, hand us a donut, and then move on." Others believe that the Naked Donut Run has encountered the same problem many aging practices do: a sort of post-adolescent ennui. "I think the spark has died," said Brian Mennings '11.
"Students expect naked people to distribute pastries. Where's the thrill? Where's the danger?" He added, "I suggested to one of the Runners that he hand out calzones. You know, just to mix things up a bit. He wasn't having it, though."
Some theorize that the transformation is a gradual process. Professor of Physics Theodore Molly has studied the pace of the Run for the past five years. "My research shows that the speed of the streakers is diminishing at an exponential rate. If the cause is not found and eliminated, soon the practice will be nothing more than a Naked Donut Crawl and, eventually, a Naked Donut Stand, which would just be terribly inconvenient."
When reached for comment, Bill Stellers '09, Naked Donut Coordinator, defended the institution. "People tend to think this is an easy task but it's not. It requires more courage, concentration, and dexterity than most would believe. This isn't some Naked Cake Walk. Though, granted, pastries are involved."
