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In an overwhelming display of military force, Brazil deployed almost three cannons to North Africa early this morning, seizing the territory easily with losses of less than a single horse.
The two combatants previously reached a treaty that stated they would cease combat against each other for as long as it took to conquer Europe and North America. But Brazil claimed the treaty became null because the initial agreement did not include "[North Africa] being a dick and invading Greenland before I'm even up there."
Minutes later, in a move some world powers say should not even be possible, the entire Pan-American force relocated to Brazil and arranged themselves menacingly, facing eastward. Newly installed European dictator Antonio Dawson issued the following message to Brazilian leaders:
"I can't believe you're being so stupid. Seriously, can't you see what's going to happen? You always do this and it doesn't make any sense. You're messing everything up for both of us. Why can't-Actually, you know what? Fuck you. That's what."
With tensions high between the hours of two and three in the morning, citizens in areas such as the Eastern United States and the Congo, whose borders are guarded by only a single rifleman, anxiously awaited the outcome of what has been dubbed "the African-American conflict." Fortunately, the actual fighting was fairly brief, and all four North African soldiers quickly fell to the Brazilian assault.
North African civilians ran for cover as the unstoppable force marauded through their homeland. According to one eyewitness, efforts to kill the Brazilian horseman only resulted in the horse transforming into four men with guns.
European military analysts and those sympathetic to the North African cause complain that Brazil "got so lucky." They insist that "many more people should have died. That was bullshit." However, they also note that Brazil gained a statistical advantage by sending three men into every battle to North Africa's two.
It is unclear where the war will progress from this point. In a now-divided Africa, the birth rate has slipped from three back to zero. Europe may be moving towards acceptance of South America's "Are we cool?" offer, but it is clear that feelings have been deeply hurt on both sides.
There is, however, a proposition gaining momentum among some world powers that would end all world conflict forever, one simply based on how many countries everyone owns. It may be the best option at this point, since forces are now too scattered for any kind of coherent war to take place, and it's like 3 a.m. and leaders are getting tired.
Plus, Blue still has Australia.
