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University representatives announced a tougher policy toward students who did not acquire their Spring Weekend tickets directly from the Brown Concert Agency, stating that it is technically illegal under University rules to kill other students, remove their scalps and take their tickets.
In a year when tickets sold out less than two hours after going on sale, many students who missed out have turned to scalping.
"I completely forgot to wake up that morning and didn't get tickets, but luckily someone in my hallway did," said Yani Reese '13. "Does anyone know a good way of getting blood stains out of denim?"
Matters were further complicated when the Brown Student Agency's server crashed as too many people were online at once trying to buy the first tickets.
"I feel guilty scalping people because I know it makes it inconvenient for them," said Maya Tresselbaum '12 "but I was online at eight in the morning. It's not my fault, and this is one situation where I feel justified ripping the skin of someone else's head and displaying it on my door as a mark of honor."
Others complain that allowing students to purchase only one ticket each would have been more fair.
"You don't understand what a huge MGMT fan I am, and it's unfair that some people bought two while I got none. My roommate was going to bring her boyfriend, who doesn't even go here. So I scalped them both," said Luciana Vieland '12. "Now I'm the one with an extra ticket! My roommate always used to appreciate little ironies like that."
But in a campus-wide email on Wednesday, the BCA made it clear that they do not consider scalping to be a legitimate way of getting tickets.
"Scalping is a dishonest practice," read the email, "Ticket owners deserve their tickets. They woke up early and paid money for them because they honestly wanted to go. It shouldn't come down to who has the bigger knife or better bow-and-arrow marksmanship."
The BCA email advised students to "keep tickets in a safe place and carry a loaded firearm at all times." It warned that scalpers were subject to a variable fine, and reminded students that the person being scalped is just as responsible, if not more so, than the person doing the scalping.
Although it is maligned by the vendors, some say scalping can actually be an invaluable economic tool, including Professor of Economics Roger Harrison.
"In the end it comes down to price discrimination. Find the person who wants the tickets more, and that's the person who will end up putting up the cash for a nice bear trap or sniper rifle. It's the free market, now hand me my shotgun and get down, I think I hear Woodson in the hallway and you can bet he's after my tickets, the rascal."
Andrew Huynh '11 suggested that instead of scalping each other, students could take it upon themselves to share the tickets fairly, adding that he would be more than willing to sell off one of his tickets for the original price. Eyewitnesses agreed that it was foolish of him to publicly reveal that he had tickets, but were impressed by the vibrant red hue of his areolar tissue.
"I don't know what it is with these modern kids and their scalping riff raff," Sylvester Macott '67 P'94 told the Noser, "Back in my day we would just ask kindly for a ticket. Then if they said no we would punch them real hard in the jaw. Then we would ask kindly again. Then we would give them a tarring and a feathering. Then if they still said no we would scalp them. No sooner. World moves too fast nowadays."
The BCA does not expect the scalping to end anytime soon, but urged students not to let all this get under their skin, or to lose their heads over what is, after all, only a matter of tickets.
