Partly Cloudy, 64°
Scientists at the Institute of Let's Just, Like, Lie Here On the Grass for a While, Okay? have conclusively demonstrated that the cloud right over there looks sort of like a really angry dragon.
This finding represents the most seminal research from the Institute, which was founded by Chief Formation Analyst Tony Hodge '11. Hodge, already widely considered a leader in the chilling-out field for his work reading magazines on the toilet, gave voice to the Institute's mission last spring in a speech to his roommate. Hodge exhorted his audience, and the scientific community at large, to "just come hang out on Lincoln Field with me for a while. Please? You can write your paper later."
Now, after a slow winter, the Institute has intensified its research. Since daily temperatures have reached highs of "soooo nice," Hodge has been conducting his research mainly in the field. To control against climate variables he makes his observations at the same time every day, usually when he is supposed to be in Econometrics lecture.
Hodge's findings, publicized in an oral report to his roommate, show that "seriously man, this cloud is straight-up a Norwegian Ridgeback or something. See the wings right there? And the eyebrows are those little ones? And the darker part is the fire he's breathing?" While the report's main contention was that the dragon appeared enraged, it did make the conditional claim that if the observer squinted, the specimen might instead look inquisitive.
The Institute's report did not hesitate to confront its audience with the tough questions. "Don't you see it? What are you, blind? It's right there!! Right to the left of Jafar from Aladdin and kinda behind the one that looks like a teddy bear pooping. See?"
Controversy arose when the cloud collided with another cumulus formation. As the two drifted together, Hodge says, "it just looked like the dragon was holding a balloon and mad about it. Like maybe he was on the way to a birthday party.that his parents were forcing him to go to." Hodge hypothesized that this birthday party might also have been attended by a clown-shaped cumulonimbus formation at a 30.3�N declination on the other side of the green.
As the balloon and the dragon merged, however, rival researcher Benjamin Backlin '10 denounced Hodge's work publicly. "This so-called scientist's conclusions are preposterous sensationalizations! That cloud looks nothing like a dragon! It's just a blob," Backlin shouted from the middle of Lincoln Field to scattered and disinterested passersby.
Only time and continued scrutiny of the highest scientific rigor will tell whether the balloon-shaped cloud will continue on its path and leave the integrity of both the dragon and Hodge's study intact. Either way, Hodge himself was not overly concerned.
"I'm not too invested in cloud work. You can see how competitive it is trying to get published in that scene," he said. "And there's so many other areas of chilling-out research I could go into at this point. Scrapbooking. Listening to Maroon 5. I've been talking to a professor about helping out in his lava lamp lab. So nah, I'm not worried."
